To Sleep Perchance to Dream
by SuchStuffasDreamsareMadeOn
Summary: If we are such stuff as dreams are made on then what does it mean when Sirius does something unthinkable in a dream? Is he to take it as nonsense or a premonition? The Marauders must enter a world they hate to find out the truth that lies behind dreaming.
1. Beginning

The house that never was did an exceedingly well job of hiding itself as it always has done at 12 Grimwald Place. Lupin didn't expect anything different but parts of him weren't sure exactly what to expect as he entered the too familiar home. So perhaps home wasn't the right word but something about the place made it more than a house but less than a home. Haven, was the right word maybe.

It felt almost unreal to step back into that place. The atmosphere, quiet for once (even Mrs. Black was taking a snooze), was almost unsettling. Instinct told him to turn and leave yet his feet moved him through the disturbing edifice. He must not think of it as that though. He came here, he was here, so now me must continue.

He had thought for sure that someone else would be there but not even Mudugus was loitering as he walked around. Dumbledore surely had more important things to do but the silence was really starting to make Lupin uneasy. He planted himself down on the couch and looked around.

People often said that a man's house reflected what kind of person was the man himself. Those people obviously did not know Sirius Black.

Or at least they didn't know his family.

Grimwald Place seemed to be just as well…grim…as ever. The dim lighting filled the room due to lack of bright lamps and the fact that the number 12 house technically wasn't in the sunlight. Dark mutters and grumbles could be heard echoing from an annoyed Kreacher where only God knew was lurking. It wouldn't be plainer that the Dark Arts was a part of the house's history if those exact words where painted across the walls.

Lupin smiled to himself and stood up to make his way to the bookshelf leaning dilapidated against the wall. He scanned the titles nonchalantly almost to pass the time. His mind was slightly disturbed by some titles including "100 Uses of Vampire Skin" and "Living Room Dark Arts Made Easy" (this one made Lupin do a double take around the room he was currently standing in). There was one black bound book, quiet smaller than the rest, that looked oddly familiar. Lupin picked out the untitled and quickly flipped through the mostly empty pages at the even more familiar scrawl that scraped along the pages.

A sudden crash from upstairs snapped Lupin's attention back to reality. He dropped the book down to the shelf as more mutters and a heated scream filled the once quiet house. Lupin let out a sigh that turned itself into a yawn. A full moon had just past two nights before and the run down couch before him started to look more comfortable. The screaming in the house had once again ceased and to Lupin, the world became quiet.

_And with the final step of his foot against the forest ground, the world became quiet. Sirius Black wasn't exactly sure why he was in the Forbidden Forrest but that didn't seem to be important at the moment. There was something he was suppose to know right then, or remember but his mind was empty to all except what was in front of him. He then continued to walk through the ominous woods with only sound of crunching leaves to settle his uneasiness._

_Where was everyone? Sirius had never been one to worry about getting in and out of trouble but something told him that he should get out of the forest the sooner the better. The only question was, which way was out?_

_Okay, so maybe that wasn't the only question. If anyone was around he would also have liked to ask, how he got there, where the bloody hell everyone was, and what kind of cruel joke was someone trying to play on him?_

_The slight rustle behind Sirius alerted him that he was in fact not alone. Unfortunately, this new found knowledge did little to ease his nerves._

_"Who's there?" The distant sound of his echo was the only reply. "James, I swear…" His breathing became so labored that even a simple threat seemed liked too tedious a task to think of. He heard the noise again and took an instinctive step back. A heaving began to fill the silence and whatever was lurking nearby was starting to sound a lot closer. His foot made contact and before he could register what happened, the branch beneath his foot snapped._

_And with that the monster attacked._

_Sirius knew his only chance was his wand but the force the impact made was more than he expected. He was able to keep the monster at arm's length but that left no room for his arm to reach for his fallen wand that was only a few inches away. He heard the snarled growls and hot breath of the beast against his face. He had to chance it. His couldn't hold it much longer. He had to chance it. It was too…too…_

_Sirius let out a groan of pain something made contact with his flesh. He instantly threw his arm towards his wand and let out a wail, and a curse._

_He couldn't exactly remember what spell he had said but it had worked. The weight was lifted off of him and he rolled to the side before he could be crushed again. He tried to catch his breath and held fast to the blood that was seeping out of his side. He heard the moan of the beast behind him and finally gathered the courage to turn and look._

_The wolf lay on its side and its furred chest lifted and fell slower by the second. A trail of blood traveled down its own side as it looked up at Sirius with its pain filled eyes. Sirius just stood breathing deeply and he watched the wolf cringe in pain at every slowed breath it took. Finally the wolf closed its eyes and transformed._

_Sirius watched in shock and his own eyes grew twice their normal size. Sirius felt himself blink and then realized that the beast in front of him was no more. The clawed paws were now hands and feet, the furry chest was now skin, and the snouted face showed features of a young boy. A boy that was all too familiar._

_"Remus!" Sirius dashed forward and dropped to his knees before his shallow breathing friend. "Remus, no…no…no." He tried to lift the boy up but he fell as dead weight in his arms. Sirius felt his hands shake beneath the body and his heart stop. "REMUS!"_

_The boy below him opened his eyes once more and looked at Sirius through the pain. Then, they slowly closed._

_"NO!"_

"Sirius?"

He sat upright in his bed and looked around the darkened room. The four postered bed that held the fourth year boys surrounded him and it took him a minute to let the new scene enter his mind. His aching chest let him know that his breathing was still labored and his pajamas felt wet in places due to the cold sweat that already plastered his body.

"Mate, it's 4 in the morning, what the bloody hell is going on?" The sound of a slightly conscious James moaned through the air.

Sirius took a deep breath and said, "Sorry mate, just a dream." He looked around the quiet room again until he found an empty bed. "Where's Remus?" His heart made another clutch at his stomach.

James shushed him as another boy they shared the room with moaned and tossed in his sleep.

"You know he's…out for the night. Where's your head, mate?"

Sirius let out a breath and let the known news sink back in.

"Oh yeah. Sorry, James. Go back to sleep." He waited to hear the faint snore less than a minute later before Sirius took his own advice.


	2. Bothered Belief

Sirius looked through the door one last time at the boy lying in the Hospital Wing bed.

"Sirius, come on, mate, we'll miss lunch!"

Sirius smiled and closed the door before running after his two friends down the hall. "So what did you think of the Transfiguration test yesterday?" Peter asked while looking down at his shoes so they wouldn't land on a crack in the ground.

"Don't know. My teacup whistled but it sounded more like Happy Birthday then Beethoven's Fifth. Then again, that feather explosion might deduct me some points…" James replied as he checked his reflection in a passing window and ruffled a hand through his hair.

"At least yours looked like a bird," Peter said, still not looking up. "Mine almost ate Daisy Greenwood's." Peter looked up and he saw Sirius hesitate at his words. "Are you okay, Sirius?"

James stopped looking at himself for a moment and turned to his sick looking friend. "You are looking a little paler than usual mate."

"And he's acting moody again," Peter piped in.

"Moody? I'm _not_ moody."

"Keep it up and I would start to think you're hiding sharp claws and a fuzzy face somewhere." Peter chuckled for his usual response.

At those words, Sirius stopped walking altogether. "Can you guys keep a secret?"

James and Peter stopped in their tracks and looked to each other with eager grins creeping up their faces. This was going to be good.

"Well, what is it, Sirius. Spit it out."

Sirius looked between the two gossip-crazed faces and shook his head. "Never mind I said anything. I'll just accept the fact that I'm mad and move on," he said and he walked between the two and continued down the hall.

"Oh, come one, mate. You can tell us. We accepted the fact that you were mad years ago," James said as he followed after him. "Just say it."

Sirius stopped and turned to face the boys behind him. He looked once more down the hall to check the coast before saying, "Well, I've been having these really crazy dreams lately."

"Whoa, hold up there, mate," James said, holding his hand up. "We have young children in the room. We promised not to destroy Peter's innocence until he was at least 17."

"Hey!"

Sirius groaned and shook his head. "Not that kind of dream you ass. Would you just listen?" He looked around again to make sure no one was listening in.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Please continue, dream master."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Okay so I've been having loads of…strange dreams lately and in them I…oh forget it. It's too messed up." "Come on, Sirius. You can tell us anything," James smiled as he put an arm around the pale boy and messed his hair.

"Okay, okay. Well, in these dreams…I kill Remus."

Peter squealed and covered his mouth as his eyes grew large. James turning to him unexpectedly shock. "You're right, mate. That is messed up."

"How could you do that?" Peter muffled behind his hands.

"Don't blame me! I can't be held accountable for what the dream version of me does! Besides, he's always a werewolf when I do it. And he attacks me."

"Well, how do you know it's him?"

"Cause he always changes back before he dies," Sirius said as he broke free from James' hold and continued down the hall. "I have gone mental," he muttered to himself.

A few seconds later he heard the sound of his friend's feet following behind him. "What do you think it means?" Peter asked as he looked up to the worried look in Sirius' eyes.

"Means?" Sirius said as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and side glanced at Peter. "It means I'm for some reason psychologically disturbed and should go seek professional help!"

"Just relax, Sirius. It's only a dream. They're all just random rubbish."

"Then why do I keep having the same bloody disturbing one?"

"Maybe you should ask Trelawney!" Peter put in.

James and Sirius looked at each other. There was a pause then a bust of laughter.

"Dear God, I would never hear the end of that!"

"She would probably fall in love with you and your 'inner eye'."

"Can you imagine? She would take it so seriously I might get sent to Azkaban!"

Peter put his head down and kicked at the stone floor beneath him. "It was only an idea."

James laughed again and threw his arm around the small boy's neck, placing him in a headlock and rubbing his fist against his head. "No worries mate. Let's go get lunch. I'm starved."

* * *

"Professor Trelawney?"

The wide eyed, shawl covered teacher slowly turned away from the crystal ball she was gazing into as Sirius' closed the trap door behind him, already regretting even speaking. Maybe he could still leave…

"Oh, yes my dear please do come in," Trelawney said with a sweep of her hand. "I must say, I did see you coming, my dear. You're nervous and didn't eat lunch. Now you want to ask for my assistance. Watch out for the last step on the staircase when you leave."

Sirius blinked and just stood there staring at the professor as she swept her robes and scarves across the floor like a broom.

"Umm…maybe I should—"

"—Nonsense dear! If you don't discuss it now then you'll never be able to sleep. Okay, now let's start."

Sirius shook his head. He was definitely going to regret this.

For the next half hour, Sirius sat across from Trelawney and told her about the dreams he was having. The professor sat there gazing into the crystal ball that sat in the center of the table most of the time and Sirius started to get the impression she wasn't even listening. He was only reminded that she was when she would abruptly stand up every few minutes and would ask him to further detail on the attack, which put Sirius at even more discomfort. Otherwise, whenever Sirius hesitated or felt uncomfortable divulging any information, she wouldn't even pay attention.

Finally the story came to an end and the wide glasses were now centered directly at Sirius' own eyes. "Um…."  
"Well I would think the answer is quite obvious, my dear," she said as she tilted her head mystified. "It seems to me that some deep force within you wants to kill young Remus."  
"What?!"

Sirius stood from the table so quickly that the crystal ball fell from its stand. Trelawney gasped and threw her hands towards it before it could hit the ground.

"Are you mental? I would never want to kill my friend!"

But Trelawney just sat there chuckling to herself as she gently put the ball back in place. "Ah my dear, you have no idea how false those words truly are. There are things about us that we may never learn to understand but we cannot deny them. When one is hurt, one wants vengeance of those who've hurt them. And in your dream this thing hurts you. You cannot ignore a dream. To you, your friend is a monster and—"

Sirius stepped forward in rage and slammed his fist against the table. "Enough rubbish! Just forget I told you anything and don't tell anyone that I came!"

And with that he grabbed his books and escaped through the trap door. As he was leaving though, he heard her voice scream after him, "Use your Dream Journal, my dear. It could help you more than you may think!"

What rubbish! Why the bloody hell did he decide to see that nut job? Why listen to such madness and have her expect him to listen. It was only a bloody dream, it didn't mean anything. That crazy old coot was so mad she couldn't even tell what was going on in the present.

Sirius felt his stomach growl below and remembered that he told James and Peter he was grabbing some books he forgot. The thought to see Professor Trelawney happened completely on a whim. Maybe he could catch some dessert before they put the food away.

Sirius let his mind be at peace and new thoughts entered his mind. Unfortunately, those thoughts quickly escaped as tripped on the last step on the staircase and fell flat on his face.


	3. Brother

_The castle's halls were completely empty and Sirius began to get the feeling like he's been in this place and exact moment before. It was because he had. It's a dream, he tried to tell himself. It's only a dream. I can wake up any second. Any second now… … …Okay maybe not but I can control what I do._

_He stepped around another corner and saw the same emptiness before him. But something in the back of his head was nagging him to remember. Remember what? Something bad was going to happen, he knew that, but his head wouldn't tell him. Should he keep walking into whatever trap? Or stay and wait to see. His feet obviously weren't listening to his head as they continued to walk down the deserted hall past the paintings past the classrooms and past any hope of remembering._

_It's only a dream. None of this was real. The words tried to make themselves real in Sirius' head but with each step came the fading of thought. But then it registered something new._

_A howl of rage was heard in the distance, echoing off the walls around him. Sirius turned and heard the patter of claws against the hard floor. He had to run, he had to run. His mind seemed to be going quicker than his feet as he willed them to run faster. Something was after him. He had to get away._

_The sound became louder behind him but Sirius dared not to turn around. The fear pulsed through him like a hard attack but his feet wouldn't go any faster. Dear Merlin he was going to die. _

_He turned a corner as he heard the growl of the beast behind him. He looked towards his feet in anguish so he didn't see the wall until it hit him in the head. _

_He gasped, clawing at it like an animal in hopes that it would Apparate away. There was no way out, there was only one thing to do._

"_AVADA KADAVRA!"_

_Sirius felt a dull ache in his eyes that began to reach his head. He realized he had them squeezed shut but his shaking body told him not to open them. Something in the back of his head told him what he would find when he opened them so he dared not to. The ache was too much so he slowly peaked out and let the blurry image unfold itself before him._

_First he was his outstretched arm trembling before him, his wand pointed forward. Behind it he could make out a small grey lump lying motionless on the floor._

"_NO!"_

Sirius absentmindedly looked down at the book in front of him. He wrote one last sentence in it then quickly hid it under his Transfigurations homework before James sat down next to him with a stack of library books. Lazily, James pulled out his wand and uttered a spell beneath his breath to turn the pages of the book in front of him while he leaned his head against his hand.

"Ugh, we can't too much longer here, mate. People might start to think we take our work seriously."

Sirius let out a forced chuckle then looked down past his books in silence.

"What's the matter with you mate? Acting moody again?"

"I'm not moody!"

"Still having freaking dreams?" James asked laughing.

"It's not funny, mate. It's messed up. Do you think I'm mental?"

"Absolutely."

"Oh shut up."

"Just don't let it bother you, they'll go away eventually. Look, we all saw Remus' new scars but we don't want to freak him out and you don't want to act mad around him or anything. Just try to—"

"—hey Sirius!"

Both boys looked over to see Regulus Black approach their table from the other side of the library. "Speaking of mad…"

"Hey Sirius," the boy repeated as he walked over, walking proud in his second year Slytherin robes. "Did you get Mum's letter?"

Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes. "Regulus, do you honestly think mum's sent me anything since I came to Hogwarts. That would mean sending a Black owl near a Gryffindor table."

Regulus just shrugged. "Well, she wanted to know if we're coming home for Christmas break. I told her it would be hard to leave the Slytherin House for even that short a time but I can make an exception for home. I suppose she'll want to know whether to leave another place at the table or send you some pudding back with me. She said it wouldn't make a difference to her."

Sirius leaned his head on his hand and looked even more intensely at his book, forgetting which one it even was. "Actually," James pitched in putting a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Sirius is coming to my place for the holidays. My parents just told me to invite him today." Sirius turned his head and smiled thankfully at James. "Is that all Regulus," Sirius said as he turned the other way. "Cause you can leave now."

Regulus lost the smile on his face. He looked between Sirius and James then took a seat next to them. "You know, mum talks to me a lot about you in her letters, Sirius."

"Ask me if I give a damn, bye Regulus!"

"She heard about the people you hang out with and she doesn't approve."

"Oh, wow, it took me 14 years but now I finally care about what mum thinks!"

"She heard rumors about that Lupin kid, and she knows Pettigrew's half-blood. And you might fit the requirements Potter, but she doesn't fancy you either."

James fixed his glasses. "I might go cry now."

"I was surprised she even invited you back for the holidays."

"Good bye, Regulus."

"You know she sent Dumbledore a howler when she heard you got into Gryffindor?"

"Regulus, I swear…"

"First in the family, now that's something."

"You know, for someone who can't stand being away from his house, you sure are making an effort."

"Well, I just thought it would be fair to fill you in on the family affairs."

"James, why doesn't he understand pure English right now?"

Regulus frowned and looked hard at his brother. "Sirius, you lost your privilege to call yourself pure a long time ago. Mum suppose this bunch filthy you up. Won't be long—"

Unfortunately, Regulus didn't get the chance to finish that thought. As soon as the words 'filth' left his mouth, Sirius sprang up and knocked him out of his chair.

"Sirius!" James was up instantly and attempted to hold his friend back as Sirius began to pound his little brother. But Sirius had a lot of self anger built up in the past few days. He didn't even realize that a few Slytherin students ran over to help Regulus up as James continued to keep him back.

"Sirius, calm down!" Sirius tried but as he watched Regulus and his friends leave he just felt the need to race after him. He felt James drag him over behind a shelf so the Madam Prince wouldn't see the outburst. Finally, James slammed Sirius against the bookshelf.

"What the hell's gotten into you, mate?"

Sirius felt his breath deepen and looked up at the confused look in James' eye. He brushed James' hands off his shoulders and leaned on the bookshelves. "I'm sorry, James. It's just that git can make me so angry at times."  
"Yeah but you never flipped at him before. And he's done worse."

"I know it's just…I could have been like him…if I were different. I look at him and I see what I could have been like if I didn't have common sense somewhere in my blood stream."

"Yeah, you don't have common sense in any inch of your body. But you will never end up like your family and thank Merlin for that."

"It's just…" Sirius put his hand through his hair and paced away. "I could have been someone who couldn't stand you guys. I could have been someone who would have killed a werewolf."

There was a silence for a second as the library returned to its normal sound.

Then James said, "Sorry Sirius, but suck it up."

Sirius turned around in shock.

"I know these dreams of yours are creepy but you can't let them control you like this. Just thank Merlin you are who you are, and get on with your life. You're wasting time with 'could haves' and its frankly not suiting you well. Now come on, Remus needs us and you need to calm down before you really hurt someone."

The two boys made their way out of the library and back towards their house. It wasn't until they were outside the Fat Lady that Sirius asked, "Since when did you get so philosophically smart?"

"I don't know where you've been, mate, but I was born this way."


	4. Bona fide

Even though the top of the curtain above his bed was not the most interesting thing to look at for 75 minutes, Sirius felt that it could entertain himself for at least another hour or two. Gryffindor was celebrating a Quidditch win down in the common room, one he was not allowed to play in due to a Saturday detention. Some Slytherin prat ratted on him to Madame Prince while dragging Regulus out of the library. So while his team was slaughtering Hufflepuff 520-70, he was inside cleaning bed pans in the Hospital Wing, without magic…or a sponge. And now, he didn't feel much like partying.

He vaguely acknowledged the sound of the dorm room door opening. James was too busy sucking up the fame and glory that came with being a star player so it was probably just Peter forgetting something or another boy trying to find a quiet spot to snog with whatever girl he was able to drag up. Peter and Remus tried to get him to come down earlier so he wasn't too worried.

He was surprised though well a pillow came crashing down on his face.

"Hey, wake up flubberworm. James will be mad if you put a damper on his fun today."

Sirius sat up and saw Remus pull out a chocolate frog from his bag and settle down on his own bed across the room.

Sirius lay back down and stared at the ceiling. "Okay, don't talk," Remus continued. "But James told me what happened."

Damn it. Sirius made a mental note to kill James later. Now Remus would be freaked.

"He said you started beating up your little brother and that it might have something to do with me."

Okay, so maybe James had half a mind not to break every promise he's made with him and keep his big mouth shut.

"Now that set me off for a little mate. Why the bloody hell would I make you beat on Regulus? Did I do something?"

"No, Remus you—"

"—hold up I'm getting there. Of course I didn't do anything. Sirius is probably just being moody again."

"Why does everyone think I'm moody?"

"Look in a mirror, mate. Anyway so I was thinking about the full moon the other night. Then I thought about you guys walking in on me the other day and seeing the nice new scar down front."

"Remus—"

"—nope, you had your chance to talk. Look, when I first got bit I had to stay at St. Mungo's for a few days. The first transformation wasn't pretty. While I was there, the Healers explained everything to me and showed me how to deal with some injuries. But some of the Healers refused to even enter the same room I was in. I didn't even see any other patients in my room or outside. I had one though that was pretty nice and she explained to me that those things happened sometimes. She dealt with a case like mine before, some 8 year old kid. Even if I do manage to get close to people, my condition could still scare them, especially the aftermath. She told me that she wasn't sure what was worse: repelling people before they even know you because of what you are or pushing those you care about who actually know you away because of what becomes of you. It's not a pretty sight and I'm not the only one who gets hurt in the process."

The silence entered the room again as Sirius let these words sink in. Suddenly a memory hit him.

"Thanks Remus, I got to go but I promise I'll apologize even more later."  
And with that he took off expecting to leave his friend surprised by his suddenness but instead he turned his head to see his friend smiling.

* * *

"Hello, Professor and yes you probably knew I was coming or whatever. I really don't care."

Trelawney turned towards him almost confused then said, "Why yes! Yes I did. Come in, my dear, sit."

Sirius sighed and took a seat on one of the mats on the ground. "I just wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day. But I've been recording my dreams like you said in my Dream Journal and I guess I sort of get what you were trying to tell me."

The crazed professor tilted her head to the side before responding, "Why of course you did. Please continue."

Sirius looked around to make sure Peeves or someone wasn't going to pop out of nowhere before saying, "I'm upset or whatever that Remus is a werewolf. Every month he goes out and transforms and there's nothing we can do about it. Worst of all, he's doing it to himself. We know it's coming but we can't stop it. And it hurts all of us knowing that and seeing him that way, well…I guess for me I just want to the pain to stop, for all of us. My dreams are trying to tell me that and I guess part of me does want Remus to…die. But only the werewolf part of him, not actually him! But my dreams or whatever are telling me that if I kill one part of him, I would kill both and I have to live with both if I don't want to lose my friend. It's not revenge though, it's just closer…"

Dear Merlin, he _was_ moody.

Trelawney on the other hand paused for a moment in awe struck. Then she said, "Yes dear! That's exactly what I meant!" She got up and retrieved her tea pot before sitting back down and pouring both of them a cup.

"Your friend has an unfortunate curse upon him and acceptance is the first step."

"Acceptance to what? That he's a werewolf?"

"That, and the fact that there is nothing you can do to help him."

"Well I don't know—"

"—and in your dreams, why do you suppose your friend returns to his original form before he physically dies?"

"Because I have to remind myself what dies along with the werewolf. There's no separating them now even though that's not who _he_ is."

"And why are you only attacked on the school grounds?"

"Because over the summer I never see him after the full moon. I only see the effects here at school."

Trelawney looked up through her spectacles and smiled at the still uncomfortable but satisfied boy in front of her. "My dear boy, you may have the workings of an inner eye after all."

Sirius chocked on the tea he was drinking and almost spat it back up into the cup. Geez, talk about nightmares.

"But there is something you have overlooked I'm afraid."

Sirius swallowed the rest of his tea and looked over at the professor as she picked up his cup and examined his tea leaves at the bottom of it.

"And that is?"

"Why is it that in your dreams you kill your friend? It's obvious that you are close with this boy and value his friendship, so why kill him?"

Sirius sat back at the accusation aghast. "That's not fair! I didn't know it was him."

"Even after several dreams you fail to recognize what is right in front of you. You could have hid away or disowned him in your dream to escape the pain but instead you end it once and for all. My dear boy, I heard what happened with your brother yesterday."

"Wait, what? That's—not—well, he started it and I didn't mean to jump him!"

"Ah, you didn't mean to, yet you did."

Sirius just sat there with his mouth open in disbelief.  
"There's something more to you Sirius that you may not even know of. I can see it all here in your leaves. You have a tough exterior when deep down there are things you care about, your friends and brother included. But even deeper down there is your own beast within, which will not hesitate to attack when necessary; a hound that will rip out throats to save its own. Sirius, the hound star. There is something within you, Sirius, who is a murderer."


	5. Book

_Well, needless to say I once again broke a crystal ball and a few more valuables in utmost anger to escape that lunatic's 'inner eye'. She has given the world a new definition of mad. It is also needless to say that there is no conscious way I'll ever be going to that woman again unless for class where I will sit in the back, willing myself to see bad and painful things happening to her in that damn ball. That future stuff is just a load anyway. Then why am I still writing in this damn journal? The dreams have stopped and I don't know maybe there is some logic behind them…sometimes. This will be the last entry I make and then I will probably burn this book with a Never Repair Charm. James and Peter are sworn to secrecy never to tell Remus the truth and I have sworn myself never to tell any of them that I went to Trelawney for advice. This whole lot was a waste of time but at least the dreams have stopped. I honestly don't want to know half of what goes on in my own head. _

_I honestly don't even know why I'm still writing. I guess just for closure or whatever that means. That's what Celia told me at least when I asked her why she was talking to me an hour after she dumped my sorry ass. None of this is making sense right now but it seemed the right thing to do._

_Trelawney said a load of crap about me in the future but she had something going there with the dream meaning something. Yes, I Sirius Black, just admitted that but it's okay cause no one will ever know. There was one thing she said about Remus though that was completely a load. There _is_ something we can do to help him; me, James, and Peter. And we're working on it. The Psychic Psycho said there was nothing we could do to make those scars go away and we can't, but when we get the spell down, we're going to make sure Remus can't hurt himself as bad as he usually does. It's not easy, but hey, it's a lot more interesting than school right now. _

_I'm not usually good with conclusions. I screw them up pretty bad in essays. So I'm done, or whatever._

"Professor Lupin?"

Remus looked up from the small black book in his hands as he saw the small stature of Harry Potter standing in the doorway to the living room in front of him. The front door must have opened at one point in time. He stood up from the couch and placed the book gently on the table.

"Hello Harry. I didn't expect you to be here. I thought you would be packing and getting ready for the train next week."

Harry shrugged as he took his gaze off of the book on the table. "Mr. Weasley was passing by on the way to a Muggle house that had a toilet upchucking gelatin or something. He said I could stop here on the way to…you know..."

Lupin nodded and looked down at the floor as the room suddenly became silent.

Harry looked around again at the empty house before saying, "So what are you doing here? No, wait I didn't mean it to sound like that…"

Lupin chucked to himself as he looked at the boy. Merlin, did he look like James. James would never be that concerned with sounding rude though. That part was all Lily. "I just stopped by to clear out a few more things for the Order. We're having trouble finding a new location but things should be good soon. Nothing to worry about. I suppose I just got caught up looking at a few things." He felt his hand tighten around the small black book in his hand.

Harry nodded. "I just wanted…to see it again…before I went to school and everything. I own it now apparently." The boy who went up against Voldemort 5 times now suddenly seemed nervous.

"Ah yes. So I heard. Well don't let me get in your way, unless I can be of assistance. Of course there are some secret places hidden about here you might want to know about. Sirius was always trying to hide things were his parents wouldn't find them. In fact there's a floor board in his bedroom—"

But Harry began to shake his head. "I don't want to go there yet."

Lupin put his head down and gripped the arm of the couch. "Yes. I understand what you mean. Everything is different now. This hasn't really been easy." He looked up to see Harry staring at him differently now. The nerves now were replaced with surprise, as if he realized something.

"Professor Lupin?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"You knew…I mean…I really…but you…"

Harry gaped for another second then took another breath. "I'm sorry," he finally said.

Lupin saw the boy wipe a tear from his eye and walk towards him. He opened his arms and let Harry fit into them as he heard a soft sob escape into the folds of robes. "I know, Harry. I am too."


End file.
